Bullying Happens: So What Should I Do?
If you ever went to school with other people, you probably saw bullying. It may have happened to you, or a friend, or a classmate, but it was there. It seems like it has always been there. No matter where you turn in literature or film or television, there seems to always be an underdog that the "popular kid" will pick on, belittle, and physically hurt.
So this is in our media and our real lives. Obviously. So what is this post about.
Well, I can tell you it's not going to be a mushy post about me talking about my experience with bullying and it's not going to necessarily be me calling out people who have bullied, no matter how much I want to. No, this post is going to be directed at the people who stand by.
Now before you exit out of this tab, let me just tell you that I am not going to lecture you and tell you that you always have to step up and intervene in the most direct sense. I am not telling you that you must be the hero and get yourself hurt for someone you don't know. While I may applaud you if you do that, especially if you make a habit of it, I know that we are all human. There are times you do not feel comfortable doing that. I have looked the other way too many times, myself.
This post is going to be about what you can do to help people who are being bullied. Whether it be yourself, a family member, a friend, your kid; nobody should have to go through bullying.
I wanted to bring this up because this past month has been bullying awareness month, unfortunately, I just found out about it, so a little too late to make the cut for posts for this month. So I am going to try to make a few posts in the next couple of weeks regarding this topic, hopefully helping you out with any issues you may be having.
Now, onto what you should do.
Say you are at work in your office setting and you see a coworker harassing another. It's not any sexual harassment, they are just constantly putting the other coworker down, trying to purposely mess up their meetings and presentations, spreading rumors about them. You know, high school shit, but in a professional work environment.
The most obvious thing to do would be to report it to Human Resources. Just as a note, the more times a person is written up, the more of a possibility something is going to be done about their behavior. But I know that not everyone wants to go to that step first. You could talk to the initial coworker and let them know that what they are doing is out of line and completely unprofessional. But that may be to upfront with the asshole.
One thing that could help is to try to help out the person being bullied. Come up to the desk and try to diffuse the situation by just being there. Sometimes the bully doesn't want other people to witness, they may feel uncomfortable. If they try to make jokes putting your coworker down, don't laugh. That will egg the bully on. If you ignore them, you take away their power in the situation. You can focus on making sure your coworker knows that you are on their side without having to verbalize it.
If it gets too out of hand, I would take it to the boss. Especially if it gets physical at all.
High school is a pretty shit time in general. You're cooped up in rooms filled with other hormonal teenagers all trying to learn to the test in order to go to college to get into debt trying to learn how to work in a job you hope you'll love when you graduate. You've got a lot on your plate. So how are you going to deal with bullies on top of that, especially if they aren't bothering you directly?
Sometimes it would be easier just to turn and walk away. To not pay attention because, hey at least they aren't bothering you. But that could do a lot of harm.
The kids being bullied, both in high school and elementary school, are being isolated from their peers. The bullies aren't just picking on them, they are making them a separate group, or individual, who does not think anyone care about them. That is the point of the bully. To belittle a person so much they feel worthless. As you can see, that can be a dangerous thought process. So what can you do?
First off, let the kid being bullied know that they aren't alone. Sit with them at lunch. Walk with them to class. Try to show them, and in part the bully, that they are not just some easy target. If you hear rumors being spread, do not help them go along. Don't repeat them, even as a joke. Shut it down. Even if you don't want to get physical in the fight yourself, you can just be there for your friend and classmate and let them know that they are not alone.
Now onto a very difficult one: you're child is being bullied. If, in the future, my child is being bullied at school, it will take every ounce of my willpower not to march down there and have a chat with the bully and his parents. I know that I will get extremely pissed off and will probably not handle it well. So how do you handle seeing your child have to go through bullying?
First, you need to teach your kids how to deal with bullies in a nonviolent way. They need to know it's okay to talk to teachers, or the principle, or you. That is what these adults are there for. Show them that they do not need to listen to the bullies. Your child is going to have to be around this person for about eight hours a day, five days a week, not including any after school care. That is a lot of time to be around someone who wants to tear you down. So by reminding them that they are worth something, by just talking to them and being there to listen, you are already doing a lot to help your child.
Second, you need to talk to the faculty at the school and let them know what is going on with the bully. Sometimes, teachers do not know what is going on with the kids outside of the classroom. By letting them know, they will keep their eyes open and hopefully be able to stop the bullying in and out of their classes.
If you see bullying, even if it is your child, stop it immediately. This also means that you should not bully your child or other people in front of your child. Basically, don't be an asshole. Lead by example and show them that they need to treat others with the respect they deserve.
And for heaven's sake: TAKE BULLYING SERIOUSLY. Do NOT just brush off your kids when they tell you that they are being bullied. LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN AND TRY TO HELP THEM! Don't make them apologize to the people who are tormenting them because they need to "take responsibility for what THEY did and take the higher ground." That is complete bull and everyone knows it/
If you, yourself is being bullied, talk to someone. Tell a teacher, your parent, friends, your boss. Let people know you are uncomfortable with the situation someone else is putting you in. Do not let the bully have power over you. I know this is really hard to do, trust me, but sometimes ignoring the bully is actually really helpful. If they don't see a reaction from you, they may stop all together. Try to avoid them if you can. It may feel like running away, but it will keep you safe.
Most importantly: don't bully back. This is feeding into the oppression, into the system that is allowing bullying to happen. Don't stoop to their level, even if you may think it feels like you're on top of the world for a moment. That moment will never last.
I am by no means saying you should do this all the time. It does not always work, unfortunately, but these are all ideas to possibly help you through it. I am sorry you have to go through this at all. But you will get through it, you will be stronger, and there are people who give a shit about you. You are loved, you are strong, and you can survive this.
That's all for this one. I'll catch you all next time.
XOXO
Dana
So this is in our media and our real lives. Obviously. So what is this post about.
Well, I can tell you it's not going to be a mushy post about me talking about my experience with bullying and it's not going to necessarily be me calling out people who have bullied, no matter how much I want to. No, this post is going to be directed at the people who stand by.
Now before you exit out of this tab, let me just tell you that I am not going to lecture you and tell you that you always have to step up and intervene in the most direct sense. I am not telling you that you must be the hero and get yourself hurt for someone you don't know. While I may applaud you if you do that, especially if you make a habit of it, I know that we are all human. There are times you do not feel comfortable doing that. I have looked the other way too many times, myself.
This post is going to be about what you can do to help people who are being bullied. Whether it be yourself, a family member, a friend, your kid; nobody should have to go through bullying.
I wanted to bring this up because this past month has been bullying awareness month, unfortunately, I just found out about it, so a little too late to make the cut for posts for this month. So I am going to try to make a few posts in the next couple of weeks regarding this topic, hopefully helping you out with any issues you may be having.
Now, onto what you should do.
Say you are at work in your office setting and you see a coworker harassing another. It's not any sexual harassment, they are just constantly putting the other coworker down, trying to purposely mess up their meetings and presentations, spreading rumors about them. You know, high school shit, but in a professional work environment.
The most obvious thing to do would be to report it to Human Resources. Just as a note, the more times a person is written up, the more of a possibility something is going to be done about their behavior. But I know that not everyone wants to go to that step first. You could talk to the initial coworker and let them know that what they are doing is out of line and completely unprofessional. But that may be to upfront with the asshole.
One thing that could help is to try to help out the person being bullied. Come up to the desk and try to diffuse the situation by just being there. Sometimes the bully doesn't want other people to witness, they may feel uncomfortable. If they try to make jokes putting your coworker down, don't laugh. That will egg the bully on. If you ignore them, you take away their power in the situation. You can focus on making sure your coworker knows that you are on their side without having to verbalize it.
If it gets too out of hand, I would take it to the boss. Especially if it gets physical at all.
High school is a pretty shit time in general. You're cooped up in rooms filled with other hormonal teenagers all trying to learn to the test in order to go to college to get into debt trying to learn how to work in a job you hope you'll love when you graduate. You've got a lot on your plate. So how are you going to deal with bullies on top of that, especially if they aren't bothering you directly?
Sometimes it would be easier just to turn and walk away. To not pay attention because, hey at least they aren't bothering you. But that could do a lot of harm.
The kids being bullied, both in high school and elementary school, are being isolated from their peers. The bullies aren't just picking on them, they are making them a separate group, or individual, who does not think anyone care about them. That is the point of the bully. To belittle a person so much they feel worthless. As you can see, that can be a dangerous thought process. So what can you do?
First off, let the kid being bullied know that they aren't alone. Sit with them at lunch. Walk with them to class. Try to show them, and in part the bully, that they are not just some easy target. If you hear rumors being spread, do not help them go along. Don't repeat them, even as a joke. Shut it down. Even if you don't want to get physical in the fight yourself, you can just be there for your friend and classmate and let them know that they are not alone.
Now onto a very difficult one: you're child is being bullied. If, in the future, my child is being bullied at school, it will take every ounce of my willpower not to march down there and have a chat with the bully and his parents. I know that I will get extremely pissed off and will probably not handle it well. So how do you handle seeing your child have to go through bullying?
First, you need to teach your kids how to deal with bullies in a nonviolent way. They need to know it's okay to talk to teachers, or the principle, or you. That is what these adults are there for. Show them that they do not need to listen to the bullies. Your child is going to have to be around this person for about eight hours a day, five days a week, not including any after school care. That is a lot of time to be around someone who wants to tear you down. So by reminding them that they are worth something, by just talking to them and being there to listen, you are already doing a lot to help your child.
Second, you need to talk to the faculty at the school and let them know what is going on with the bully. Sometimes, teachers do not know what is going on with the kids outside of the classroom. By letting them know, they will keep their eyes open and hopefully be able to stop the bullying in and out of their classes.
If you see bullying, even if it is your child, stop it immediately. This also means that you should not bully your child or other people in front of your child. Basically, don't be an asshole. Lead by example and show them that they need to treat others with the respect they deserve.
And for heaven's sake: TAKE BULLYING SERIOUSLY. Do NOT just brush off your kids when they tell you that they are being bullied. LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN AND TRY TO HELP THEM! Don't make them apologize to the people who are tormenting them because they need to "take responsibility for what THEY did and take the higher ground." That is complete bull and everyone knows it/
If you, yourself is being bullied, talk to someone. Tell a teacher, your parent, friends, your boss. Let people know you are uncomfortable with the situation someone else is putting you in. Do not let the bully have power over you. I know this is really hard to do, trust me, but sometimes ignoring the bully is actually really helpful. If they don't see a reaction from you, they may stop all together. Try to avoid them if you can. It may feel like running away, but it will keep you safe.
Most importantly: don't bully back. This is feeding into the oppression, into the system that is allowing bullying to happen. Don't stoop to their level, even if you may think it feels like you're on top of the world for a moment. That moment will never last.
I am by no means saying you should do this all the time. It does not always work, unfortunately, but these are all ideas to possibly help you through it. I am sorry you have to go through this at all. But you will get through it, you will be stronger, and there are people who give a shit about you. You are loved, you are strong, and you can survive this.
That's all for this one. I'll catch you all next time.
XOXO
Dana
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